Everything was fine until somebody started singing Frozen. Seriously?! I JUST got it all out of my head and some asshole at the convenience store put me back 3 weeks. The worst part is, it was a burly man buying beer at 9:00 in the morning…WTF? I’m telling ya’ll – nobody is safe from this!
As I was lamenting my inner choir, I started thinking about the movie and based on the music, which I have memorized, here is my take. P.S. I DON”T hold back so if you are a Frozen lover, get ahold of yourself before you continue reading.
Elsa is a bitch. She gives the term ‘Ice Queen’ new meaning. I mean really, freezing everyone out so you can put on a pretty dress, let your hair down and sing at the top of your lungs. Just look at that smirk – she totally knows what she is doing and she doesn’t care! Let It Go, huh? I wish I could!
Then there is Anna. And, you had better say her name right in my house – Ahhnah – or you might get the stink eye from my two girls. Elitists. I call her Anna just to piss them off sometimes. All Ahhnah does is bang on the door asking if Elsa wants to build a snowman. Elsa hasn’t come out of her room in 10 years! What makes you think that just because you ride a damn bicycle down the hallway she will change her mind?! And Ahnnah falls for that douche Hans. My 5-year old knew he was the bad guys from minute 1. Wake up Anna!
Oh Hans, I mean, who doesn’t love a man in uniform? We ALL know a Hans, am I right ladies?! Good looking, great timing and just a little too smooth. For Hans and all the men like him Love Is An Open Fly, not an open door. Really, finish each others sandwiches? Give me a BREAK! Grow a pair Hans!
There, now it’s out. I feel better now, don’t you? Thank you for listening to me vent and good luck getting those songs out of your head now that I so rudely put them back in there. You can curse my Frozen Heart but you will have to forgive me because I am a bit of a Fixer Upper. For the First Time in Forever, I am starting to make peace with Frozen.